Today marks my mum’s 89th birthday and I am eternally grateful that she has been here for this most horrendous journey of mine with Head and Neck Cancer. This week marks week four post treatment. Although I have received conflicting information regarding what to expect, mostly it’s been accurate but to be fair, recuperation is different for everybody. The first two weeks after the radio and chemo therapy finished were appalling. They did not sugar coat it, and you just have to get through it best you can. Hold your breath and run straight towards it, keep going until you have to surface for air again.
I stayed with mum for those two weeks. Ideal because we both sat in very comfortable leather armchairs watching Edie McGuire followed by Channel Nine News. Leg rugs and soft food (or in my case no food) and lights out by 8pm. I suddenly realised how much closer to a nursing home I was getting. Still, it allowed me to spend time with mum and I was happy to sleep during the day and most of the night except for regular spitting into an old honey bucket every five minutes, I slept well with the help of some opioid.
For those to go through this it’s hard to explain how you are going to feel, I had this clawing tightness in my throat, gagging sensations that resulted in vomiting (a little not bucket loads) and the tricky part is to look after your teeth. Mouth sores and ulcers (I was lucky and did not suffer too badly) I kept up regular swilling of bicarb soda. I kept flossing and did what the specialist dentist told me to do religiously. My dentist Sharon gave me a scraper – best utensil ever.
Food wise I have dabbled with soup, smoothies ( which I couldn’t stand before this disease let alone now!) pulverised vegetables and pasta. Sounds appetising huh? then you eventually have no taste, or rather for me nothing tasted as it should. I had an iced coffee with ice-cream in it – I could tell it was cold but it could have been plaster for all I knew and could taste. I appeared to have lost the ability to taste ‘sweet’ and I don’t trust myself to cook because what I can taste and what it actually tastes like are two very different things. I have read that venturing out to public eating places can be challenging. No one these days makes good soup – well they do, but they are few and far between. I think I want something to eat, I can feel my appetite then ‘poof’ nothing. So mostly I dine at the home based buffet which is below.
Week # 5 and now my saliva glands and taste buds are taking a hit. My surgery scar is healing nicely and my spit bucket has decreased in size. I also decided to go back to my exercise group for company and fresh air as much as any kind of disciplinary exercise. I have lost 8/9 kgs since I came back to Australia. In that sense I feel good but it’s a hell of a way to lose those pesky last 5 kilos. I hope to take up running and kick boxing again in the not too distant future, in the meantime I am taking it day by day. One day is good, the next it’s all I can do to get out of bed.
So we now head for week #6 with my eye on week #8 to see how much progress we have made. Something is new and different every day and I ventured out to have a fresh juice with a friend a week back and well, let’s just say that was not that successful. Although I discovered that I could swallow more than previously I had to have 3 big glasses to ensure I could add enough ice to my fruit juice to get it down ( the colder the better), watermelon plays havoc with your tongue and tastebuds, and I pretty much depleted their stash of serviettes for wiping, mopping up and generally making me look as though I had a two year old with me. Suffice to say that the G&T I tried at my local tasted like kerosene and is something I wont be trying again in a hurry. Ce La Vie.